Dear Dr. B,
Not only can I assure you I’ve encountered trouble counting, feel free to add spelling, writing, speaking and many other human functions to the list of basic behaviors that perplex me. I like to think of myself as a gifted, but confused, learner.
Now Dr. B you’ve thrown me a curve ball with the men’s health challenge. Let me be abundantly clear; I have zero knowledge of any of the following topics:
- men
- men’s heath
- men’s illnesses
- men’s happiness
- men’s problems
- and men again
With that disclosure, I announce Leslie’s Health Axiom #7: “Suck It In Dudes”
My only cursory knowledge of men’s health is the commonly practiced danger of carrying excess weight around the waist. Research indicates that men sporting potbellies* place themselves at risk for developing obesity–related illnesses. Why? The reasons are really interesting. Fat around the waist surrounds organs instead of residing directly beneath the skin where most other fat lives. (That would be you cellulite.)
Belly fat, medically referred to as omentum, secretes enzymes that can promote heart disease, diabetes and other cardiovascular diseases.
My passion in life, besides the pursuit of catching one of the above-mentioned men, is training my horse. (And more than a few mental health professionals would diagnose an unhealthy and alarmingly direct connection between those two activities.)
One of my riding colleagues is a 60+ year old man who totes around a tummy so bulbous that he hasn’t seen his feet in years.
Every time he complains that he can’t use his core to guide his horse, I’ve subtly counseled him to ‘suck it in dude’ with full knowledge that he has zero control over his core. These occasions are most effective when I have an audience of onlookers polite enough to hide their laughter.
I feel zero remorse. Someone has got to tell this guy he’s a mess, so I guess it’s me.
(Hmmmm … Note to self: previous disclosure likely explains the long-standing absence of men in my life.)
As my dear friend Lisa often counsels to those who lament over their weight, ‘Shut your pie hole.”
Couldn’t have said it better myself. So guys if you stand and look down to see nothing but a protruding midsection, push yourself away from the table.
So happy readers, next time I won’t be so blunt. Maybe.
* I’ve personally created my own medical classification for belly fat, Dun Lop Syndrome, wherein a viewer of said tummy points and announces to the belly fat owner, “Your belly done lop right over your belt.” (Say with a think southern twang for authenticity.)
Subscribe